I realize that I rarely ever put titles. I can never come up with any good ones anyway. Songs, poems, chapters, or even blog posts. Lol.
Everything seems like a mere illusion now. The notes, the tones, the songs...they're just here, yet they're so distant. Maybe they never did belong here. Belong to me. None of this. Sometimes, I even wonder if I'm in the right place. Whether I'll wake up tomorrow and realize that I've been living in a dream. And realize that I can't even dream well enough.
Recently, the lines between reality and fantasy are just blurring till it's too much to handle. The strong feeling of getting devoured overwhelms me.
Maybe I've been reading too much shoujo manga lately. Too many happy endings, as though it's mocking me. But I'm the one who reads them anyway. They provide me salvation, no matter how short-lived, even though the aftertaste is really gross. Pathetic, I know. I've always known my sorrow was...inadequate for someone like me. I've never understood it anyway, this thing without a source.
It was always easier to come up with a logical answer to all these ridiculously stupid questions. Making your heart follow your head...is fucking insane.
Why can't this be easier? Why can't you be easier?
I really can't understand this anymore. I'm a coward. I never said I was anything greater than that. So please pardon me. Please let me dream forever. Even if I die in my dreams, the world just seems so much brighter on that side.
My will is fucking weak. I'm gross. I don't expect you to think any better of me. So please, just let go of me, me.
